You know when time seems to stand still and speed up simultaneously? Somehow that's how it feels right now. We have been a military family for just shy of 21 years and we are just months away from turning in retirement paperwork.
This transition will surely bring mixed feelings. I can't even imagine how big the sigh of relief will be when we step away as civilians. No more deployments hanging over our heads. Yet, putting this life behind us just doesn't seem possible. It's all we've known. My hubby joined the Army at age 18 (I was 19) and we moved across the country from our family. The military life has taught me many lessons over the years and I'm incredibly thankful for our time in service.
Lesson #1: Embrace your "family".
I'm sure you've heard members of the military referring to each other as their brothers. They start as friendships but when you add in the trust required to know that they will have your back during deployments/training it becomes something more. The brotherhood between them is remarkable.
The other part of this family is the military spouses. We are uprooted from everything we know. Then a few years later, those roots are pulled again. And again. And again. There's no family nearby to help with the kids. There's no family nearby to help pass the worries/long days of deployments. But the military spouses that surround you creates a sisterhood. Those women will become your family. Those women will celebrate holidays and birthdays with you. They will love your children like they are their Aunties. Hold onto that family because friendships like this are something incredibly special.
Lesson #2: After each PCS, make your community your home.
One of the biggest differences between a military family and a civilian family is where they call home. Civilian families may call one town home from the day they are born until the day they die. They know everyone in town. They have friends they've known all their lives. They know the layout of the town like the back of their hand.
A military family is lucky if they call a town home for three years. Then we leave our friends behind. With a change of duty station also comes a change of doctors, eye doctors, dentists, hair dressers, churches, schools, etc. Moving to a new town and choosing a house/school without knowing anything about the community is rough.
It is easy to fall into the routine of keeping to yourself because you don't know anyone. But one thing that can make all the difference is getting involved. Maybe you join a sports club. The sense of belonging we got when our kids joined a soccer club was probably one of the best memories we have through our entire military life. Maybe you volunteer or join a church or meet up with other military wives for coffee. Whatever it is that you choose, getting outside of your comfort zone and meeting others and being involved will make your new place feel like home. This is when you will meet your "family".
Lesson #3: Find a routine.
Military life is full of separations. Deployments, TDY, schools, training, moving aircraft, being out in the field, you name it, the military finds a reason that you need to be away from your spouse. The time can drag on. I found the best way to get time to go by is to get into a routine.
The weekdays seemed to be the easiest to find a routine because of school, homework, and extra curricular activities. The weekends which you normally look forward to when your spouse is home can sometimes become dreaded when you are holding down the home alone.
I would usually find an activity for us to do on Saturdays. We would get together with friends whose hubby's were also gone. It didn't need to be a big activity. Just getting together, sitting around chatting while the kiddos played, and making dinner together was awesome. You could feel some of the stress and loneliness lift. We also enjoy going to the zoo. The kids would get out some energy and the bonus is we all got fresh air which is great for lifting spirits. Sundays we would relax and take a break from the hustle of the week and get things ready for the week ahead.
If you have a deployment coming up, it may be helpful to check out this post I wrote about preparing for deployments. https://creativesaver.blogspot.com/2018/03/how-to-prepare-for-deployment-all-that.html
If you have already been through a deployment, it may be helpful to check out this post I wrote about how to reconnect/understand your soldier when they return home. https://creativesaver.blogspot.com/2018/03/reconnectunderstand-your-soldier-after.html
Lesson # 4: Planning will be difficult.
You'll probably say the words "I don't know" quite a bit. You probably won't know the answer to just about any question you get asked. Will your hubby have to deploy? For how long? When will he get home? Do you have to move soon? Where are you moving to? Are you going to come home to visit? Will you be able to make it to the wedding?
Then there are the times when you think you know the answer and you make plans. The military will inevitably change their mind and your plans will need to change.
You can either wallow in it or find a way to release the stress and keep going. I figure this is a life lesson teaching our kids that you need to roll with the punches. If there is a roadblock you can let it hold you back or find a way to continue on.
Lesson # 5: Let go.
It is so important to find a way to let go of the stress. Military life is hard. There's no way around that. While it brings lots of opportunities and friendships, it also brings stress, worry, and heartache. If you hold onto the stress, it will impact so many areas of your life including your physical health. I can't even begin to tell you how thankful I am that my family found ways to deal with our emotions and move past them.
What you focus on is what you will see. Ever notice when you buy a new car, you start seeing the same car everywhere? Your emotions do the same thing. If you focus on the negative, that is all you will see. To move forward you need to learn ways to let go.
Lesson # 6: Don't lose yourself.
It's really easy to lose who you are when you are a military family. Everything becomes about the military. Find your sense of purpose and hold onto it. Maybe you want to finally finish those college classes. Maybe you want to start a small business. Whatever it is that fills your soul with purpose, run with it. Your dreams don't have to take a back seat.
It's hard to believe our military service is coming to an end. It feels like just yesterday that we packed up that first U-haul. We've had 7 duty stations and 9 homes, been through 2 deployments and countless TDYs, and had to bury way too many friends. I know we'll always carry a piece of the military life in our hearts. My walls will probably always be full of our favorite military pics. My eyes will always be full of tears every time I hear the national anthem sung. I'm so proud of all we've accomplished and all we've overcome. There is unrelenting strength inside yourself, you just have to find it.
